You’re leaving a date and these questions go through your mind: how do I know if she/he liked me? Why were we so awkward? The list goes on. The Science of People, a human behavior lab based in Oregon, did a survey asking people what their biggest romance challenge was. The answer? Awkwardness. How can we fight against awkwardness? Getting the whole channel of information. On a single 30 minute date over 800 nonverbal signals are being sent. That means if you don’t take the time to read their body language and nonverbals then a whole channel of communication is being missed.
THE SCIENCE OF DATING:
There’s something called the Signal Amplification Bias where people think they’re sending obvious flirting cues but they’re not. Psychologist Monika Moore did a study and found that unattractive women sending the correct body language cues were approached more often than attractive women who did not correctly signal. This concluded that the most important factor that indicated if a woman was approached at a bar was not based on attractiveness but availability and confidence cues.
OKAY ARIANA, SO WHAT ARE THE CUES?
One way you can determine how someone regards you is by their eye pattern. I’m not kidding. Researches show there are three types of eye patterns that we use when we regard someone. Power gazing, social gazing, and intimate gazing. Intimate gazing follows an eye pattern in the shape of an upside down triangle, where they bounce between your eyes and go down to your upper chest. This is all subconscious. Someone interested in a male is taking in their testosterone levels. This is depicted through the squareness of their jaw, stubble on their chin, toughness of their neck, etc. Someone interested in a female is subconsciously assessing their estrogen levels. This shows the roundness of their jaw, softness of neck, healthiness of hair, etc. When we “check someone out” you’re quickly and subconsciously looking at all the things that give them potential for a mate. If their eye pattern bounces between your eyes but just to your mouth this is social gazing regarding you in a social light. Eyes to forehead is power gazing, most CEOs, bosses, and people high up in business use this eye pattern. Keep an eye on the long, upside down triangle pattern.
GIVE US MORE
The science of touch is called haptics. You can gauge how someone feels about you by how much they self-touch or also known as, preen, and how much they touch you. When you touch or look at someone you release oxytocin which is the hormone that makes you feel connected, nicknamed the cuddle hormone. So if someone wants to feel connected to you they will send as much oxytocin as possible by putting their hand on yours, on your forearm, lower back, etc. Let’s go over some haptic techniques in dating.
Women most commonly neck, hair, and lip touch. This releases pheromones and calls attention to that part of the body subconsciously. Conscious preening can also be done such as fixing the hair to make sure they look nice for you.
Men use different types of gestures. One of them is territorial claims such as draping their hand across the back of your chair, leaning on the bar or counter over you, and practicing dominant space touching behaviors.
IS HE/SHE INTERESTED IN ME? DO THEY KNOW I AM?
An important part of showing that you’re interested is making eye contact across the room. The women in Moore’s study did three short glances across the room at their “targets” or men who interested them the most. If someone reciprocates the engagement with a smile, or directs their attention to you with a shift in their body, then you should engage in at least three more longer direct glances, looking away in between. Most people are afraid to be that direct which is where signal amplification bias is born thinking doing a couple glances is enough to show you’re interested.
Going into the date be confident and practice your power pose and launch stance. Avoid nervous self-soothing behaviors such as stroking your arms and playing with your hands, things we do when feel anxious. Keep your body open with your hands by your side, facing them completely. You can tilt your head to show compassion and slowly nod at times to show you’re listening, and engaged
SUPER TIP: Researchers found conversations last longer when we use a slow triple nod opposed to just idly staring at someone while talking.
You can also set up your free consultation and we can work together one on one to go over all of the nonverbal secrets of dating, what to look for, how to read your date, and how to improve your influence.